Died A Yearly Death, But Not Dead Anymore?

It goes something like this. In August I wrote my first book ever. In September I wrote my second book ever. In October I started work on my third book. None of them are in the same genre, one fantasy, one pseudo biographical, and another erotic. In those months, and the months leading up to them, it’s all output, creative output, going out output, just everything flowing easily and there is always more to do and will be done as soon as possible. I love that time of year for the same reason anyone would, sleep less, do more, feel physically and mentally fabulous.

But each year I fall down and all the things that you might find easy become insurmountable. January and February it seems to be limited to now — before it stretched over half a year. And it is obvious from this blog that I have been essentially removed to the realms of TV sitcom repeats and once in a while noodling on a guitar with the amp turned down low so no one will hear me make a mistake or judge me for my lack of skill. Even with anonymity on the internet, I still would like to write well and not subject it to the scrutiny of others.

And then I had a nervous breakdown.

Each year, sans nervous breakdown.

Yet somehow I was able to drag myself to work in -17 degrees F with windchill down to -40.

I’ll probably write about what that was like, besides it being painful.

Still, I write this rather than a story because I don’t know how to make a story about it yet. All I can say is that it seems like I’m getting better. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I have to wait another month before I can clearly say whether I am or if this is just my brain fluttering in response to being stressed to its breaking point.

But this is my first step toward writing again. My posts might not be daily, I’ll try so I get in the rhythm, but it’s time to be creative again and put something out there.

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2 responses to “Died A Yearly Death, But Not Dead Anymore?

  1. I had a few in my first thirty-six years. They all took about six months to really get over. I have had one since coming to FL, I think it was 2003, but I came close in 2010. They are always preceded by extreme stress. I am retired now, so I don’t think I’ll have another. Who Knows? I still have months of a burst of creative energy where I get so much accomplished, and that is followed by months of stagnation. Even with meds…I am not sure that there will ever be a happy medium. I would love to live in the creative energy phase permanently without the hyper excitability, but I tend to stay in the slump more. I am fifty-three now, and there is still so much more I want to accomplish.

    • Over the years I’ve trended toward mono polarity with a manic emphasis. Good for creativity, but I currently work in a job that requires a lot of attention to detail so being manic is actually the worst thing to be and being depressed is better.

      But for all I know this is a false start and my manic season won’t start for another month. One thing I’m sure of though, I will have one, every summer I’ll have one; nothing has put a dent in that except for lengthening it.

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