I’ve missed you. I hope you take me back. I loved you so much years ago when we would spend hours together touring the forests surrounding Madison propelled on my bike by my own power. I used to race after cars and beat them and come away without breathing hard because of what you transformed me into. I was once weak and slightly overweight but you saw to change that and you made me into something better, stronger, happier than what I was before. Together, we were unstoppable. And at the end of the day, traveling dozens of miles together, I would be exhausted by you. I would lay on the couch sore and used, but in post-coital way. I would smile as sweat still beaded on my chest and welcome the soft touch of the breeze coming in through the window in our yellow living room. It was our special time together, there in that blue and white house by the lake. I will always remember that time with you.
I love what you did for me. You were good for me and I forgot that. I was thin, attractive, strong, ready to take on the world. I wasn’t just a youth, I was youthful, but in many ways I was also manly. I loved how my thighs were like carved stone that would never fail me or grow tired in the course of the day. I loved that I had more energy when I was with you. I loved being with you and you made me better in turn. I loved that you challenged me to do more when I didn’t feel like it, to push a little longer, to go a little further, to try new things and experiment rather than doing the same thing over and over again. You were a creative force in my life and in the years that I have grown between us, I have begun to miss it.
I am sorry for abandoning you.
Winter came, that fickle bitch. I fell for her, I’ll admit that. She promised me white snows and hot chocolate and coffee to keep me cozy indoors. Her blizzards and frigid cold isolated me from you, dear exercise, and kept me snug in my bed longer than I should have – protected from the outdoors by layers of blankets swaddling me back to sleep. To go outside and be with you again on my bike, that would have hurt me, I could have died. It wasn’t my fault. It was her! She is a force of nature in my life and I was powerless to stop her.
But I know what you’ll say to me. I could have gone to a gym. But with all the people around, all the staring, and then I would be sharing you openly with others and reminded that our love is not unique… it is too much to bear. I am possessive, and I wanted our thing, our togetherness, to be special. And so, I lost sight of you, and you didn’t come back to me. I guess that’s where it all ended.
And then I grew lazy. I said – tomorrow, maybe – it was always the next day or the next week that I’d stretch out a hand to you and try to welcome you back. Winter became spring, our time of the year, and I ignored it. Then I became busy. I’m sorry for that too. There was time, there was always time for you, but I didn’t try. I had my excuses to put you in the past and carry on like I was missing nothing, but I was missing so much, if only I could have seen it then and joined you again! Oh, I regret it so much. I regret that I ignored you on our special time of the year where you could have shaken the weight from Winter and done so much more with me. I know you tried your best with the warmer days and holding back the rain. But it was always tomorrow. I stood you up, and I am sorry for that.
However, I have something new. Winter has come back, she has trapped me inside once again with deadly frost and wind chills that are deep into the minuses. Truly, it is deadly outside. I have a coat though, I can at least walk a mile without the frigid air cutting at my ankles or freezing my cheeks. And I do go out, unlike last year when it was only necessary and then only as far as needed. Still, I know that is not enough for your demanding nature. I bought something for us. Something that will bring some of the spark back. I know it isn’t touring through the country side or up to the bluffs in the north, but it’ll do for now. I found how to take our long rides indoors, long rides that never need to stop for traffic lights or slow for intersections – they call it a trainer, just burning exertion on my bike once again with nowhere to go.
Take me back.
I am weak. I am flabby. But I know you like me that way. Not in that way of course. You like me fit. But you also love the transformation. Take me back and transform me. Take me back. I’m sure you will. Please. Without you I’m only spinning my wheels.