Isolated, Dissociated, Character Ideas

This is as Daily Drivel about the very weird illness I have. It isn’t disgusting, it’s rather amazing – my mind is numb.

I likely have an inner ear infection, which means that in the dark recesses of my ear I have an infection causing swelling and pushing on the sacks of fluid. This in turn causes vertigo. This causes me to feel off balance and walking takes a lot of self monitoring and concentration.

I’m on my sixth day after it caused a week of migraines.

I’m kinda used to it now. I can walk better because I know how I sway and can topple. And sometimes its good, other days like yesterday and I felt like walls were collapsing in on me. It even caused visual problems as objects moved in my visual field. It has been a weird six days of high anxiety and immobility. And it has turned me numb to the world.

It’s not numb in the sense that I don’t care, it’s numb in that my brain seems to have shut down. I’m far less creative as the week has progressed. I can’t write a word in my book or even really think about it. I can’t think all that well at all. Writing this is hard and full of rewrites and likely not all that well written. Spell check is my friend with benefits. I’m not sure where I would be without its ever watchful eye. The spelling is also due to minor dissociation.

My arms and legs don’t feel like their connected to me.

If you ever want to have a character spin out of control, try adding this in. When my fingers move they seem to be moving on their own. I can direct them but there is no feedback on what they are doing. So I watch them because I touch type and need to know where to move next. I unconsciously watch my feet when I walk because I will sway or stumble if I don’t. But that’s all what you can find on WebMD.

It doesn’t tell you that its isolating. Not having that input that is continuously fed into our minds is like being stuck in a cabin alone for months on end. Only this is faster. This is not necessarily a vertigo thing, its a dissociation thing. Meds can bring it on, fever, a host of ailments. But it is isolating and maddening to deal with and feel.

So as a writer or a reader, try imagining that you only sorta know where your arms and legs are. Imaging being just a torso when sitting down to watch TV and vegetate and sometimes your arms and legs will just sort of drift without you knowing it in response to some other stimuli that got past you. What would it be like to watch all of your movements. Some people live like this in far more extreme forms than I do. Maybe a character idea?


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